Angry

I'm so angry lately. I dont know why. I wake up not in a good mood. wanting to punch someone in the face. Today i had the rawest attitude. i kept throwing things at the guy i sit next to. He knew i was only messing with him but i needed some kind of outlet and dont know how to let it out. I'm thinking of buying a punching bag for moments like these. Sometimes I wish I could go back to my good old days when i would buy a bottle of 100 proof vodka and down half a bottle and feel nothing. I know thats the easy way out but sometimes I wish I could do that again. I know its unhealthy and that lifestyle is in the past but its so hard not to get wasted and forget everything. and feel numb. and just exist in the moment. i really need that punching bag